


In The Ocean, Blood Isn't Red

by smokeandjollyranchers



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Jester's introspection, and I don't know if those feelings are super positive, because Jester is going to have FEELINGS about what those idiots did, spoilers for episode 44
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-09-15 01:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16923933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smokeandjollyranchers/pseuds/smokeandjollyranchers
Summary: Jester tries to work through what she saw in the Lair of Dashilla, and the way the two men she thought she knew ran so recklessly towards an unknown result.





	1. Chapter 1

Jester sits curled into the chair in her quarters on the Squall Eater, watching a candle burn down on the desk in front of her. 

Beau snores from her bed, a line of drool dripping from her mouth. Jester considers sketching that down really quick, but her hand pauses before her pen can hit the notebook. She isn’t sure she wants to remember today. Beau snores again, almost like clockwork, and Jester’s shoulders relax marginally. Finally, she gets the courage to put pen to paper. 

She draws all her friends floating down into the ocean with the cannonballs. She spends a little bit longer than she needs to sketching the whale. Finally, the sketches come easily. She sketches the Tide’s Breath under the water, the box with the claw marks, the Merrow, Nott trying to drink under water, the cave, the coins-

Finally her hands stop, fingers shaking as she holds them over the page. She isn’t happy about what comes next, but the Traveler needs to know what she’s seen, in case he wasn’t able to be there with her. She draws the kelp, with all the bodies trapped in it, she draws the horrible face of Dashilla, she draws the altar-

She stops then, dropping the pen. Jester isn’t sure what happened next, her fingers had been buried in silt and mud and bones, trying to pull a few coins from the ground. The  _ least _ Dashilla could’ve given them actually, and when she looked up, she saw the runes in the walls getting a brighter red. She whirled around in time to see Caleb and Fjord, both hands bleeding openly onto the altar, the water around them clouded with their blood.

There had been a wild look in Fjord’s eyes, like he’s toeing the line of  _ everything _ he’s ever wanted, and maybe he is, maybe this is part of his journey, but he looks  _ wrong _ . She’s never seen him look like that, not really.

There had been  _ nothing _ in Caleb’s eyes, a coldness that rivaled the waters around them. Jester has seen him do a lot of weird stuff, but something about this had seemed very, very wrong. Even now, she can’t bring herself to draw their eyes, or their act. It’s a weird feeling for her, to even think about keeping something from the Traveler. She knows she can’t hide it from him anyways, he was probably there, he probably saw...it’s  _ her _ that doesn’t want to remember it.

Between Beau’s next couple snores, there’s a soft knock at her door. She considers ignoring it, but today has been too crazy not to. She opens the door a crack, and she sees Caleb standing there, not really making eye contact. “Are you okay, Caleb?”

Caleb nods, rubbing the back of his neck. “I was uh, wondering if I could talk to you.”

Jester steps out from her room, closing the door behind her. She tries to keep her regular smile on her face, but her tail is swishing anxiously, and she’s sure Caleb notices. He takes a deep breath, finally looking her in the face. “I...want to apologize for that...in the lair…”

“What was that, in the lair?” Jester whispers, staring at Caleb until he finally meets her eyes. When he finally gathers the courage to meet her eyes, she sees he’s back, present again, the strange coldness is gone. 

“Curiosity, I suppose.”

“Really? You already sort of knew what it did. And you knew it belonged to Dashilla. So why even mess with it?” Jester is a little surprised at how hostile her tone is, and it seems Caleb is too, but he doesn’t stop her, he just waits for her to finish. She doesn’t. “What if something bad had happened?! What if something  _ worse _ had happened! What if Fjord hadn’t suggested you stop?! What if it had hurt you guys?! What if it had hurt Yasha! Or-” She doesn’t say  _ or me _ , but Caleb winces, even if it’s only slightly, and Jester lowers her eyes now. “We had barely fought her off, Caleb...if Fjord had died...the water breathing would’ve stopped.”

Caleb takes a breath, and she watches his fingers pick at the scab on his palm from where he had cut himself. Jester had done what she could in the moment, but she didn’t have the energy to heal them fully at the time. Jester finally grabs his hands and whispers a few lines in infernal, the soft green glow of the Traveler’s magic stitching his wound back together. Caleb cracks a smile then, giving her hand a soft squeeze before he lets it go. “You are right, of course. I hadn’t considered any of that. I’m sorry for putting you in any sort of danger.”

“Caleb,” Jester starts, waiting for him to look at her. “Can I ask you what it is you want?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, Fjord just wanted to know where his powers came from, and Beau is like, a super spy maybe, and I guess I don’t really know what Yasha wants, and Caduceus wants to save his home, and I’m on the road because I  _ can’t _ go home and Nott wants what you want, but what is it that you want? I guess...I guess I thought I had you figured out a little bit, but now I’m not so sure I do.”

Caleb almost looks  _ shocked _ , but he reels in his emotions, and he keeps his face straight. He goes to pick at a scab that isn’t there anymore, and Jester just waits. “I...I don’t want to be who I was. I’m trying to be better than what I was...and I don’t know how. So I’m just...trying to figure that out. You’ve all helped...immensely, and I’m sorry for possibly taking advantage of that kindness. I’m also sorry if I hurt your feelings today, I saw the way you looked at us, at me, and I’m...sorry if I...if I scared you.”

Jester thinks about that for a few moments, and Caleb just nods, and tries to walk away, like he always does when things get  _ a little too real _ , for him, and Jester reaches out before he can, grabbing his hand once again. His palm is healed now, but she sees the dried blood on his bandages, and his permanently blackened fingertips from his fire magic. He tenses, looking at her like he’s a trapped animal, like she’s caught him in a trap, but she doesn’t let go.

“You’re good, Caleb. I’ve seen you do good things, and I’ve seen you help people and make jokes and play pranks and drink and laugh and dance. I don’t know what you’re trying to be better than, but I think the best way to do that is to just  _ be _ better. You know what’s smart, and you know what might not be smart. I want you to be careful okay. Sometimes, if you wait to long to ask for help, I can’t heal you. Okay?”

Caleb’s eyes change again, just for a moment, maybe they’re a little softer, or maybe they’re a little harder, it happens so fast she can’t really get a handle on it. Caleb smiles, it’s small like it always is, but she wants to believe it’s genuine. She has no reason to believe it  _ isn’t _ genuine, but now it all feels different, and Jester is reminded how little she actually knows about people the people around her.

Caleb lets her hand go, but he pauses a moment before he does. “You’ll get to go home Jester, I promise we’ll get you there.”

“If you want me to believe you, I want you to stop doing stupid shit.” She smiles at him, her tail finally relaxing next to her. “It’s a fair trade,  _ ja _ ?”

Caleb rolls his eyes before heading back to down the hall to his and Nott’s room. “ _ Ja _ , fair enough.”

Jester sneaks back into her room, Beau’s snoring still going strong and she sits back down at her desk, picking up her pen. Quickly, before her candle snuffs out, she sketches a hand with blackened fingers and a new scar on it’s palm.  

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb needs to apologize again, he just wants Jester to know he never would've left her there if he knew. SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 45

Caleb lays on his bed in the Squall Eater, now dubbed Ball Eater, watching his little goblin friend sleep in his arms. 

Nott the Brave wasn’t able to make it too much longer once they had finally had a chance to catch their breath. Caleb wanted to help clean her up a little, but she had waved him off, telling him she’ll be fine in the morning, and right now she just wants to sleep. As she sleeps, Frumpkin curls into her side, a steady purr his way of helping her heal, and Caleb stares at her wounds. There’s holes in her shoulder from the teeth of a  _ dragon _ . A dragon took a bite of his dearest friend and he hadn’t been there to help her. He  _ truly _ believed she was right behind him, he didn’t see anyone else. He didn’t see Fjord, Caduceus, Beau, Twiggy- anyone!

He certainly hadn’t seen Jester.

_ Why does that matter? _ A voice in his head whispers, and Caleb shuts his eyes against it. The voice doesn’t care, it never cares.  _ You shouldn’t have left the library, you didn’t get anything from that. You walked into danger with no plan, for what, your  _ friends?!  _ You don’t have friends, you have tools. _

Caleb keeps his eyes closed, listening instead to Nott’s breathing and Frumpkin’s purring.

_ Someday, the decision is going to be much harder, and you’re going to have to make a choice. And if you follow the path you’re on right now, you will make the wrong choice. _

He opens his eyes again, sight resting on his blackened fingertips and he clenches his fist to hide them. Caleb wants to make things right, but now there are many different things he needs to make right. Things that Ikathon would beat him for even thinking, but that’s what he did. He left behind pre-Calamity levels of magic, in a sort pocket dimension that  _ altered time _ , to save a group of people he was never supposed to get attached to.

Nott rolls over in her sleep, curling into her injured side. Caleb brushes some of her hair out of her face, and Nott exhales, settling into her rest.

Suddenly, there’s a feeling of a presence behind him, and Caleb looks over his shoulder. He can’t see anyone, or anything, and nothing had tripped the alarm wire in front of the door. He thinks it might be a fluke, or it might be his own anxiety tripping him up when he notices something small on the floor. Carefully, he detangles from his goblin and his cat, and he reaches down to pick it up.

It’s a small blue jewel, and it’s nearly the same color as Jester’s skin. He’s confused, thinking it must’ve fallen off of him or Nott from the dragon’s hoard, but it still gives him a weird feeling. He gets up, and makes his way for the door. Frumpkin lifts his head, a questioning mewl escaping as he yawns.

“No, it’s fine. Stay with Nott.” Caleb tells him, and Frumpkin curls back up, resuming his purring.

Caleb walks out into the hall, the distant noises of the crew running the ship, and he walks down a couple doors, stopping in front of Beau and Jester’s room. He’s hesitant, this will be the second time in only a handful of days he’s come to bother Jester with a pathetic apology for being who he is.

_ So don’t apologize, let this connection you’ve found fester and die. She’ll be better off, and you’ll stop being distracted. You don’t deserve the light. _

Caleb knocks on the door softly, not wanting to wake her up if she managed to find some sleep. She apparently hasn’t, because she answers the door only a few seconds later. Jester looks  _ harrowed _ , her eyes are ringed in red and Caleb can’t look away from the burns on her dress from the flames, and the soot on her face. “Hi Caleb. Are you okay?”

“I...I came to check on you.” He says, shoving the strange jewel in his pocket. “I know today was hard.”

“Oh, it wasn’t so bad. I’m okay.” She tries to give him a smile, but it lacks the usual light Jester radiates, and Caleb nods.

“I know, you’ve said. I also...I wanted to apologize to you. Again, I suppose. If I had known you were in there, Jester, I never would’ve left you there. I’m so sorry.” He feels stupid, even saying the words, but he wants her to know that. He needs Jester to know that if he saw her, he would’ve stayed to help. He can’t explain why it’s important to him that she knows this, but for whatever reason, it is.

Jester tries to smile again, to wave him off, but the tears fill up in her eyes and suddenly she’s crying. Caleb freezes for a moment,  _ completely _ unprepared for this moment, and he looks around the hall for a moment. There’s no one around at the moment, but Jester’s heartbreaking cries might draw a few of them out. Carefully, he leads Jester back into her room, and closes her door behind them.

Jester’s room is empty, Beau must still be on watch, and Caleb, without any other ideas, just opens his arms. She collapses into his embrace, her horn hitting him in the nose, but he just wraps his arms around her softly. Jester hides her face in his chest, trying to muffle her sobs. “I didn’t want to die alone.” She whimpers, her fingers digging into his back. “I didn’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be alone when I die. And then Nott! Nott almost died distracting that dragon so it wouldn’t kill me, and now she’s hurt and I’m too weak to even heal her up and I can’t keep doing these things! I can’t keep this up anymore! I was trapped and gagged and Molly is dead, and you and Fjord bleed onto that old magic and then suddenly I’m alone with a dragon and I was going to die and my Mama never would’ve known what happened.”

“Jester,” Caleb whispers, trying to keep his voice low and soothing. “Nott knew what she was doing. She loves you, she would never let anything bad happen to you. If we had known, Fjord and Caduceus thought you were right behind them, I-”

“They still left me.” Jester’s fingers dig into his back so hard, he’s sure she’s going to leave bruises, but he doesn’t stop her. “I know it wasn’t to be cruel but they still left me alone. With a dragon, and he was going to kill me. And what if we could never get back to that place, what if I died there and was never found again? I...I have never been so scared before.”

Caleb pulls away just a little bit, and he brings his hand up to brush away some tears and soot from her face, and she looks a little more like Jester. “We would’ve found you. And like Nott showed you, we would’ve never let that happen. We’re going to be better now, Jester, we’re going to do everything we can to keep you safe. To keep all of us safe. You’re everyone’s light, you know? We aren’t going to give you up so easily.”

Jester, though she still looks heartbroken, does give Caleb a shaky smile. “T-thank you Caleb. I actually really needed to hear that.”

“Of course.” He gives her the best smile he can, and releases her. Jester wipes at her tears, and looks down at the ground.

“Could you maybe stay for a little bit, until I fall asleep at least? I don’t know when Beau is gonna be back, and I’m tired of being alone.”

Caleb blinks, his brain going blank for a moment, and he just nods. Jester gives him a grateful smile that makes him somehow feel good and  _ horrible _ , all at once. They somehow finally settle into Jester’s bed, her head on his chest. It’s hard for him to relax for a few moments, but eventually he is able to exhale, and it isn’t long before Jester is asleep, a few stray tears drying on her face.

Nearly ten minutes later, Caleb can hear the pattering on her door of Frumpkin’s paws, and the door opens to Frumpkin and Nott sticking their heads in. Caleb blanches for a few moments, unsure of how to explain himself but Nott just closes the door behind her. “Scoot over a little.”

Nott climbs up and curls into Caleb’s other side, and Frumpkin curls between Caleb and Jester, moving her holy symbol of the Traveler on her waist only slightly.

It’s outlined in those strange blue gems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know I said I was going to do the next bit about Fjord but theN EPISODE 45 HAPPENED AND NOW I HAVE JUST A MILLION FEELS ABOUT THESE TWO


	3. Honey Honey Honeycomb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jester notices Caleb's skips out on hanging out with the M9 after Twiggy leaves, and she just wants to make sure he isn't doing that "Caleb" thing he does.   
> Caleb/Jester

When they get back to the Ball Eater, the group goes their separate ways. 

She’s fine with that! She’s totally fine with that! Just… being alone is a little harder lately. If she lets herself think about it too much, all she can see are those sharp teeth curled over her shield, and the way the fire felt as it burnt through the layers on her dress. She shakes her head, sending that train of thought with her.  _ No _ , she’s not going to be scared like that. She can’t be scared like that...there’s too much going on.

Jester makes her way back to her room, trying to see if she can walk on the planks without stepping on a knothole. She does  _ pretty _ well, except right outside her door where the stupid plank is like,  _ only  _ knotholes. With a jump that would definitely impress Nott, Jester lands in her room, and looks around.

No Traveler. Not like she asked him to come or anything but sometimes he just likes to pop in. But not today, apparently.

She slumps down into her desk chair, and opens up her journal. Even if he wasn’t here to see her, she wanted to tell him about the Bees and the Bee Lady. She draws the mountains off food at breakfast, and she draws Nott and Beau’s anxious faces at hearing about the War get too close to where they grew up, she draws the Bee Lady, and she draws the hives, and she draws Caduceus’ happy face as he waves to the Bees. She draws Beau’s bottles of mead and the honeycombs that she made Bee Lady grab for her.

She sets her pen down, and reaches into her pack, pulling out the second honeycomb she had conned the Bee Lady into giving her. She thinks for couple moments, and she stands up, heading out of her room and hops over the knotty board and she makes her way over towards Caleb’s door.

She knows the last few days have been kind of...brutal, on everyone. But it was a little discouraging that he hid himself away all day. Even Nott hadn’t been able to coax him into coming, and as far as Jester knew, Nott could usually make Caleb do  _ anything _ . Jester knocks on his door  _ way _ more times than necessary, and she waits a good like, minute before Caleb opens the door.

He looks kind of shitty, like he hasn’t slept well at all. Well, he probably didn’t, he was definitely super scrunched up in her bed the other night in the middle of their cuddle puddle, and he had slipped out of there before she had woken up, though Nott and Frumpkin had stayed with her. Even though Caleb looks super crappy, he tries to give her a little smile. “Jester. Something I can help you with?”

“Not really! You just missed breakfast and all of that, but I wanted to give you this!” She drops the honeycomb into his hand, and he winces at the stickiness. “There was a lady! And she kept  _ bees _ ! She has so so so much honey, and a lot sass, and Caduceus can talk them and he said Hi to them and it was kind of amazing so yeah. That’s what happened. And I figured you might need it for some Wizard junk, or as a snack, cuz they’re like,  _ really _ good.”

Caleb’s tired eyes soften a little bit, and he smiles at her again. “Thank you, Jester. This is really kind of you.”

“I know you like your wizard shit, but you should probably eat something! Also what have you been doing all day?”

“Reading.”

“Ah, I should’ve known that.” She grins, rocking back and forth on her feet. Caleb looks her over, trying to figure out what she’s after. He reminds her of Caduceus sometimes, the way he can look her over and pretty much guess what she’s thinking. He frowns a little, and Jester feels a little smug that he can’t figure out what she’s after right now.

Well, hard to guess when she wasn’t totally sure either, but still. “Hey Caleb, I promise I’ll let you get back to your super important reading and all of those cool special things you like to do, but I just wanted to say thank you. I was not having a very good night a few nights ago, and I really appreciate you letting me…” she trails off, not really wanting to say that she  _ cried _ , because none of her other friends have cried except for when Molly died and she doesn’t want them to think she’s weak or anything.

Caleb puts the hand that doesn’t have the honeycomb in it on her shoulder, and he gives her a smile that actually reaches his eyes. “You don’t have to thank me for that, Jester. It’s alright to need help sometimes.”

“Right well...If possible, can you not...tell anyone else about it? I just don’t really want people to think…” She looks down, horrified that she can feel her eyes burning again. Caleb’s comes up to her face, and she looks up to see him, a strange burning in his eyes.

“None of us would ever think you weak, Jester. You’re the strongest of us, and I don’t just mean how you could carry me over your shoulder like I’m made of paper. There’s a light inside of you that keeps us guided in this darkness, but so you know, there’s nothing wrong with needing to take care of yourself. None of us would fault you for that.”

Jester feels her chin wobble, but it’s out of happiness this time. She puts both of her hands on Caleb’s face, and he instantly turns one of her favorite shades of scarlet. “Thank you for being there, Caleb. If you need me too, you just tell me okay?”

She releases him, and skips off down the hallway before he can even answer her. Jester does peek over her shoulder before he walks back into his room, his hand over his still red cheek.

Jester giggles, wondering what was causing those weird butterflies in her stomach, cuz it couldn’t be her stinky wizard friend.

Although, she did truly enjoy her stinky wizard friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's kind of short, but there wasn't too much Caleb interaction in the last episode at ALL. But I got excited with Critical Role coming back!! Enjoy!  
> Also, I'm on tumblr with the same handle, and I sometimes post drabbles there too!


	4. I Need You To Make Me Smarter So We Can Sneak In Our Newer Stolen Ship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're on their way back to the coast, and Jester needs Caleb's help to get those papers fjorged. But she's also more interested in bugging him than anything else. Spoilers for episode 47, and that frikkin adorable "Ja, of course I'll always help you" Caleb threw in when Matt said "If caleb even wants to help you" that no one heard.   
> Well I heard it friends. I heard it.

Caleb sits against the wall in Beau’s room, watching her work on Avantika’s cipher. 

Her tongue is caught between her teeth, something Beau does when she’s  _ really _ trying to focus, Caleb’s noticed. He leaves her to her studying, going back to the painstaking task of checking each one of the pages in his spell book for googly eyes. He’s made it through the first half of his book without issue so far, and except for a few random stains (probably ink, possibly blood) everything is how he’s left it. But it’s a  _ long _ book and he’s not even gotten to the newer spells, he’s still back in his basics, back at the spells he pulled out of the jail cell with him and Nott.

“Oh my  _ goooooooood _ .” Beau groans, flipping through a couple more pages of Caleb’s key. “How paranoid did this chick have to be to have  _ this _ much crazy put into her journal.”

Caleb’s eye twitches for a second, and he sets his spell book down, reaching for his other book instead. Inside, there’s the jumble of Sylvan, and Zemnian, and a weird mix of arcane symbols he’s reworked for his own purposes. He can’t see anything messed with on the first page, but he’s got a pretty good feeling this is the one Jester tagged. “ _ Ja,  _ I dunno, some sort of crazy person.”

“No shit, raising a God from the depths of the ocean is like, never a good idea. There’s gotta be like a million books out there about why this is a terrible idea.”

“I can think of at least six.” Caleb tells her, flipping through the pages. “But you know, those are just stories.”

“Until they aren’t.” Beau sighs, setting down her pages to rub her eyes. “How the  _ fuck _ do you sit down and do this for like, hours?”

“I find it calming, like having land under my feet again.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty excited we’re heading back for land too.” Beau agrees with him, stretching out her arms. “Kinda worried about what we’re gonna find when we get back to the Empire tho. Felderwind doesn’t sound like it’s doin’ well, and that’s...kinda close to my family. I guess. They’re probably fine.”

“Felderwind is very far East for Xhoras,” Caleb sighs, fairly deep into his journal now. “I wonder how they made it through the mountains.”

“Oh man,” Beau groans, picking the papers back up. “There’s so many gnarly stories about shit living under the mountains, I don’t even think I want to know how they got there. It’s just gonna be horrible.”

Caleb really doesn’t want to think about it either. He’s just as sure as Beau is that something terrible is going to happen, or has happened already and the fallout is just waiting to traumatize his little friend. Nott’s been acting fine, but she’s been drinking more since they heard the news about Felderwind, and he’s noticed she’s not really sleeping anymore. She just waits for his breathing to even out and she sits there, and she drinks. Caleb’s split between wanting to get her there as fast as he can, and hoping to protect her from whatever horrors might be waiting for them there.

Caleb does desperately hope Nott’s loved ones escaped a damning fate, if anyone deserves to have her people returned to them, it’s Nott the Brave, a thousand times over.

He flips another page, and he sees something in a purple ink that looks  _ suspiciously _ like a dick. He’s getting closer. Flipping through the next few pages, he finally finds what looks like a very googly-eyed drawing of himself, casting fire dicks into the air.

_ Here you go!! I figured you would be super mad if I drew in your spellbook! -J _ . There’s a little heart next to her signature, and despite himself, he smiles. Jester’s ability to find happiness in everything, even with the pain she hides inside herself, is incredibly inspiring. He traces the “fire dick” in the picture with his fingers.

She’s really something else.

* * *

Caleb’s working on a spell, and it’s incredibly  _ draining _ .

He knew it would be difficult, but that doesn’t make the work any less tedious. There’s days where he absolutely hates having to spend this much time on one godsdamned thing, but he knows it’s all to pay off to something later, something better, something he desperately needs. He rips another page out of his book, and begins transcribing on it. He almost doesn’t hear the pounding on his door, but it’s unrelenting, and he finally notices it.

He gets up, stumbling a little as his legs wake up, and he opens the door to find Jester standing there, some paper in her hands. “ _ Cayyyylebbbb, _ I need your help.”

“Alright, with what?” He asks, and Jester pushes past him, into his room. He takes a step back, warning her to watch out for the stuff spread all over the floor. She hops from one foot to the other, until she can crawl up on his bed.  

“You’ve made a real mess here, what are you working on?”

“Oh you know,” He sighs, sitting back down in the center of his chaos. “Wizard shit. What can I help you with?”

“I’ve gotta make us some ownership papers for the  _ Ball Eater _ , and I need your help to make it sound all fancy. Cuz you know a bunch of special, fancy words.”

“Sure, I’ll help you. You’ve done one of these already, haven’t you?”

“Yeah but I made that one up too, so like, who knows if I did it right? I mean it worked to get out, but it might be harder to get in? I don’t  _ know _ , I just don’t want to screw this up for all of us.”

Caleb scoffs, writing a couple more things down on his papers. “Believe me, if anything is screwed up, it won’t be your fault. Odds are good it’ll be someone else. Could be me, might be Nott.”

Jester giggles, rolling out some of the nicer parchment they’ve picked up. “Or Beau. Beau could talk, and the ship could sink.”

“You’re right. Special monk skills.” Caleb smiles down at his paper. “So, what are you needing help with?”

“I’m afraid I won’t sound smart. I know I did alright on the other papers, but...I don’t know...this seems really important. And we named the ship the  _ Ball Eater _ , this is just tricky.”

Caleb leans back against his bed, looking up at Jester. “Thank goodness you’re the trickiest person I know then,  _ ja? _ You’ve got this, no problem.”

Jester smiles at him, bright as the gems on her horns. “You’re right! I’m the greatest trickster I know! So, we’re gonna want to like, have a log and stuff so it looks like we’ve been on a  _ bunch _ of trips already, since we, you know, haven’t.”

“That’s a good call.” Caleb agrees, scribbling down arcane symbols on his paper. “And probably want to show records from people who have checked the  _ Ball Eater _ in before, so we have records of the ship.”

“ _ Ooooh _ , that’s a good idea! See, this is why I wanted your help!” Jester tells him, beginning her forging of their papers. “Hey, are you glad to be getting off the water?”

Caleb stops writing for a moment, and he nods. “ _ Ja _ , I think it’s time we got back on land. I want to get Nott to her home, she’s acting like it’s not a big deal, but she’s pretty anxious to get back. Besides, don’t you want to see your mother?”

“I really do, mostly because we had to get out of Nicodranis so quickly.” Jester sighs, setting down her pen as a wave rocks the boat a little roughly. “I didn’t think I would miss her so badly, and then I got to see her, and then we had to leave so quickly. It was just kind of whiplash, you know?”

Caleb smiles to himself, a little...wistful, if he thinks about it too much. “No, I understand. It’s hard to have them back, only to lose them immediately. We’ll get you back to your mother.” 

Jester gives a happy little sigh, kicking her feet a little. “It’s fun, you know? Getting to be back home! And I miss Nugget! I wonder if he and mom are getting along okay.”

Caleb grumbles a response, and Jester puts her foot against the back of his head and pushes him a little. “Whyyyyyyy.”

“Why do you hate dogs?” She asks him, and Caleb swallows hard, hoping she can’t tell he’s broken out in a cold sweat.

_ “If you’re going to waste my time being less than perfect, then you’re going to go until you are.” Ikathon’s voice is low, unnaturally calm for someone standing with those two _

_ giant dogs at his feet. The beasts stare at Caleb, and he pushes his back up against the stone wall of the room, body shaking.  _

_ “I can do better-” _

_ “You’ll prove it to me. Tomorrow.” Trent drops his hands, and dogs charged. _

“Caleb? Are you getting seasick?” Jester’s voice pulls him out from his head, and he runs his hand across his forehead.

“ _ Ja, _ just a little nauseous. Sorry.”

“No, you’re okay! Do you want me to do a little” She does a few funny gestures with her fingers, and Caleb forces a smile on his face.

“No, it’s alright, thank you. I’m okay, really.” He assures her. Jester lifts and eyebrow up at him, and waits a couple seconds.

“Okaaaaay.” She gets off of his bed and goes to sit next to him, resting her head against his shoulder. Caleb stiffens up but Jester just keeps working on her ship paperwork. “You don’t have to tell me, it’s okay. B _ uuuuut _ , if you won’t let me heal you, I’m gonna wait here until you feel better.”

Caleb swallows hard, going back to his runes. “If that’s what you want.”

“ _ Ja _ ,” She giggles, settling in. “That’s what I want.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE NEXT CHAPTER IS GONNA HURT SO BAD YA'LL. I WISH IT WASN'T GONNA BUT HERE WE ARE. SO I WROTE FLUFF. BECAUSE WE NEEDED IT. Enjoy!!


	5. And So We Go Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They make their long trek back to the Empire, back to what's familiar and far far away from the ocean. Caleb/Jester. It's the slowest of slow burns. Embers really.

Jester is so happy to be  _ home _ again. 

She dances from foot to foot as they walk through Nicodranis, she loves the land, she loves the way the sea air comes off the ocean, held at bay by the docks, she loves the sounds of the city as merchants and people wander around them. It reminds her of when she was little, watching the hustle and bustle in the city from her window.

Caleb and Nott follow behind her, Nott walking a little quickly away from the park she had run off to. Caleb’s face is still red from his slam poetry session, squeezing the bridge of his nose.

“You two, are such menaces together.” he sighs, and Jester and Nott both pull an affronted face.

“ _ You  _ were the one who said you were a poet!” Jester defends herself, and Nott nods along with her.

“Yeah, and if it didn’t rhyme, what’s the point of a poem?”

“Some poems don’t rhyme.” Caleb tells Nott, and she looks up at him with a disbelieving look.

“Then it’s just a story.”

“But it’s...written...like a poem.”

“But it doesn’t rhyme?”

Jester smiles, listening to the two of them try and figure this out. She wasn’t much for poetry when she was little, but she’s thinking there might be some benefit to it now. She knows that men and woman and many, many,  _ many _ others have written poems for her mother, saying how beautiful she is, and how much they love her, and they’ll never forget her face.

Plus, the Traveler has taught her a couple dirty limericks before. Those were  _ super fun _ .

Caleb and Nott continue to argue about poems and ryhming up until they meet the rest of their friends in front of the Lavish Chateau. The Blacksmith team smiles at them once they see them, and Jester feels her heart fill at the sight of all of her friends at her childhood home.

This...this felt really good. She’s not been this happy in a long time.

“Come on!” She tells them, pushing through the doors. “Let’s go see my Mama!”

* * *

 

Caleb offers to watch Nugget for them while they go wander around town.

Jester is immediately confused by this, since they had  _ just _ covered a couple days ago that Caleb doesn’t like dogs. 

But still, he lets Nugget follow him to his room, Frumpkin getting bushier and bushier with each passing second. Jester follows behind Nott on their way out, poking her on the head. Nott leans back to look at her, flask going up with her. “Caleb’s been alone a  _ lot _ , lately, are you worried about him?”

Nott brings her flask down, and shakes her head. “No, Caleb likes to be alone sometimes. Usually he just reads, or sleeps or something. It’s never particularly interesting, and he doesn’t like to be bothered.”

“I guess.” Jester shrugs, bouncing from foot to foot again once their outside of the Chateau. “But it’s weird that he doesn’t want to see the magic tower, don’t you think?”

“Nah,” Nott shrugs. “It’s hard to guess what Caleb is going to be interested in. For one, I didn’t realize how much he apparently  _ loves _ Smut. He’s an onion that guy, layers and layers.”

Jester giggles, making a mental note to sketch down an onion-headed Caleb in her journal later.

Yet, when she’s getting ready to sleep, and she sketching in her journal, it’s Caleb’s with the giant cowlick on one side of his head from Nugget that she sketches out. She’s especially proud of the way she’s able to give Caleb and Frumpkin the exact same wary expression while they both look at Nugget.

Beau flops down on her bed, looking over at Jester. “What’s got you grinning like that?”

Jester blushes, not turning around to face her very observant friend. “Nooooothing. Fjord throwing around his fish.”

“Oh yeah,” Beau snorts, rolling over on her side. “Don’t forget about Nott trying to snap at it in midair.”

Jester giggles, finally looking over at Beau. “Oh yeah, today was a good day, huh?”

Beau doesn’t turn around, but Jester can picture her face. “Yeah, it wasn’t bad.”

* * *

Caleb hands her a book, giving Nugget a wary look.

“I really don’t like dogs.”

“You still haven’t told me  _ whyyyyyy Cayyyyleb.” _

He gives her a small smile, but it’s better than the fake one he gives sometime. “ _ Ja _ , maybe I’ll tell you someday. It’s a very long, boring story. Much less appealing than sailor smut, I promise.”

“Fine,” Jester sing songs. “But I’m holding you to that!”

* * *

“Wow. WOW! Fucking cool, Caleb!”

Beau’s voice breaks Jester’s concentration off of her newly received smutty sailor novel and onto the screaming monk. She can see Caleb slinking off into the trees while Beau just stands there, fuming.

“Yeah Caleb you’re really cool!” Jester calls into the trees, not exactly sure what’s happened but hoping it will smooth over.

“Yeah,” Beau scoffs. “He’s cool. SEE CALEB?! Jester thinks you’re fucking cool! Cuz she’s your  _ fucking friend!”  _ Beau screams at his retreating form, waking up everyone else with her. Jester watches Caleb as best she can with her night vision, and as far as she can tell, he’s just….standing in front of a tree.

She shrugs, returning to her book, Nugget curling up at her side.

Humans were so weird.

* * *

Jester casts dispel magic quickly, her hands shaking as she does so.

She wasn’t expecting the destruction they found in Felderwind, and she was expecting Nott’s reaction even less. With the magic gone from the lock, Nott rushes down quickly, Jester following behind her. The basement is ransacked, like something bad happened her.

Jester does her best to look for  _ something _ to help Nott. She sits in a the chair, the only piece of furniture in the whole place that isn’t in shambles, looking for anything.

_ Please, Traveler _ She whispers in a quiet Infernal  _ If you see anything please show me _ .

It’s only moments later, she and Nott are combing over scraps of burnt paper. Most of it doesn’t make sense, something about the Dodecahedron and some sort of magic? It’s all a little above her head, expect for the parts that talk about the alchemist. She shares what info she can pull from the paper to Nott, and her goblin friend stares at them desperately, trying to piece this together.

“The Xhorasians weren’t doing this.” She breathes, glancing up at Caleb. “Your people were-“

Jester lifts and eyebrow and looks up at Caleb. He’s gone pale under the dirt on his face, and he holds a hand up, barely, like he desperately wants to stop her. Nott only narrows her eyes. “What?! It’s your people! The ones you trained with-“

“Yeah they just-“ Beau tries to interject, holding her hands up. “He hasn’t-“

“Well fuck him!” Nott snarls, with more malice than Jester has  _ ever _ heard her use before. “ _ His _ people did this to  _ my _ people!”

“We need to leave-“ Caduceus starts to say before Caleb drops to his hands and knees, dry heaving until he’s able to puke. Jester blinks at how rapidly the mood has switched. Caduceus helps Caleb up, murmuring to him softly.

Nott storms up the stairs, and Jester looks at Beau.

“What the  _ fuck? _ ”

* * *

“Edith, it’s me! Where’s my son?!”

Jester feels her stomach drop when Nott says this, disguised as a little halfling girl. She thinks of the way Nott’s helped her, taken care of her. Of them all, really. She thinks about Nott’s awkward talk after she kissed Fjord and the way she was comforting, like Jester’s own mama.

_ He’s my boy. I take care of  _ him.

Jester gasps a little, looking up Caleb. He’s just as shocked as they are, but there’s an unguarded hurt on his face in a way Jester has never seen before. He almost goes through a bunch of emotions. Shock, sadness, hurt, anger, then just... _ wounded _ .

Carefully, and slowly, Jester reaches a hand up, resting it on his shoulder. He flinches, not expecting the contact, but he doesn’t shrug her off. He just closes his eyes a moment, and regains his composure.

Nott comes back from the house, standing in front of the group, still looking like a little halfling girl, with a head full of braids. No one says anything for a moment, and Beau finally sighs, crossing her arms.

“I think we need to go somewhere and talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SO FAST. I'm hoping to have the next chapter out before Thursday! I want to catch up! Plus the next chapter is from Caleb's POV as luck would have it and I CAN'T WAIT to break into their heart to heart! Enjoy!


	6. And So I'll Ask You Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And finally, finally, they all talk. Spoilers for episode 49. Caleb/Jester

His skin is  _ crawling _ underneath his bandages. 

Caleb curls himself into the back of the cart as they make their way outside of the town. He hears the river Nott mentioned before he sees it, and his shoulders relax marginally. He swears he can feel Ikithon’s damned presence behind them, but he has to ignore it, and that strange voice in his head that tells him to  _ run run run run run. _

They’re finally far enough away, finally far enough that he feels less dread, far enough away they can talk.

A whole new sense of dread pulls him in. Jester eyes each person in their little group, her eyebrows knitted together. “So what the fuck?”

Part of him couldn’t agree with her more. He’s so fucking  _ confused _ by the last two hours and he  _ hates _ being confused. Nott sits cross legged in the back of the cart, still in her disguise. She makes a cute halfling girl, with her head full of braids and a crooked smile, when she had smiled at Luke.

_ At her son _ .

Nott sighs, her eyes meeting his.  _ I’m going to lay it all out. All in. _

“My name is Nott the Brave, and I’m a little goblin girl. But...before that...I was Veth.”

* * *

He’s reeling, from all of it, from Nott’s story, from her guilt, from her son. She looks at the river with a cold steel to her eyes, and he remembers pushing her towards the ocean, a honey-sweet suggestion on his lips.  _ How many mothers are you going to break in this violent life?  _ There’s that voice in his head, always there, always constant. 

Her name used to be Veth. He remembers her being thrown into their cell, her little body sliding across the stones. She’d looked at him, and her eyes didn’t...she’s never really  _ seemed _ like a goblin.

When she told him her name, he tossed Caleb out with barely a second thought. He hadn’t been expecting to still  _ be  _ Caleb, after that. But they had stuck together, him and Nott, then him and Nott and  _ everyone _ . He hasn’t been anyone for this long before, and he  _ knew _ , he knew Caleb couldn’t be Caleb forever, and he looks at Nott now, a sad smile on his face.

He knows the others asked him something, but he’s more focused on Nott at the moment. Her eyes are different, clear, sober,  _ authentic.  _ “Your name was Veth?”

She smiles back at him, just as sad. “It was.”

“My na-name….was….Bren.” He sees the rest of his friends recoil, in shock, but Nott keeps his gaze, a satisfied smile on her face.

* * *

He notices when Beau moves her hand from his shoulder.

Instantly, the world feels like it’s tipping, like he’s free falling right into Hell. He feels all of them watching him, waiting for him to bare his soul as best he can. Caleb reaches for Beau, as though he’s in Frumpkin, as though he’s blind and he’s vulnerable and he feels her hand, calloused and hard come to rest over his, and he exhales.

“I am not a good person.” He warns them.

Beau pushes him, but she does it gently. She nudges him towards where he needs to go, and he finally takes the steps. He talks, he talks about school, and who those mages back in the town where. He manages...he manages to speak about Trent. It isn’t much, but he’s able to get some words out.

Jester crosses her arms, a sage look on her face. “ _ That _ sounds like a bad person.”

“Yes.” Caleb agrees with her, rubbing his face.

“You think you’re using us?” Beau asks him, and Caleb nods.

“Clearly.”

“It’s only using us if you don’t like us.” Jester informs him, sitting up straight again.

“Do you like us?” Beau asks.

Jester leans in again. “Are you secretly in love with me?”

She’s got that twinkle in her eye she gets when she’s discovered something  _ real good _ , and he gives her his best withering look.  _ Say no _ , the voice in his head whispers, but Caleb bites his tongue. He’s trying to be honest, the best he can, with them all right now. So he just gives Jester that look, and she wiggles her eyebrows at him.

He didn’t say no, and she’s noticed that for sure.

* * *

Once he and Nott are alone again, in their room at the inn, they sort of stare at each other.

It’s awkward, which is weird because they’ve never been awkward with each other. They’ve always known exactly where they stand and who they need to be. Nott moves first, crawling up next to him on the bed and wrapping her little arms around him. “I’m really proud of you.”

Caleb feels stinging at his eyes, but he wills it away, and pulls Nott closer. He holds her for a few moments, taking comfort in the way she can’t fully wrap her arms around him. “Your kindness has always been mind blowing to me, and I wondered how you were capable of such love, but it makes perfect sense.”

“You’re all easy to love.” Nott shrugs and Caleb scoffs, releasing her.

“Your son, he’s very cute.” Caleb gives Nott a smile, a real one, and she beams back at him, teeth overlapping each other.

“Thank you. All my boys are. Yeza, Luke, you. You aren’t much for fighting but you’re all very smart.”

“Nott you don’t-“

“Caleb do you think I’ve been using you?” Nott asks him, surprisingly serious. Caleb swallows, not really wanting to meet her eyes.

“I wouldn’t blame you for that-“

“I know you wouldn’t. But I’m not.” Nott stands up, putting her hands on his face. “I’m here with you, because I care about you. Because I  _ want _ to be with you. I want you to heal, and get better and get what you want.”

“Your family-“

“I love them dearly, with everything I have. That means you too, you know? You’re my family too. And I’m proud of you, especially with how you opened up today.”

“I still lied-“

“No, you did fine. Better than fine. We have each other; always. And now we know we have them. It’s gonna be okay, Caleb.”

Caleb puts his forehead against Nott’s and takes a deep breath. “I’m going to believe you.”

* * *

He’s strangely comfortable with the tunnels.

The farther in they travel, the darkness the stretches ahead and behind them, encompassing everything it touches. He feels safe again. Barely. But it’s better than being out in the open, than being near the mages, than being in the fucking Empire, and he’ll take it.

His rib cage isn’t carrying such a weight with it today, and he’s grateful they’re going to step back and head to the pit of Xhoras, and leave Rexxingtrum far,  _ far _ behind. It allows him to focus again, allows him to help Nott to his best capacity.

He sits facing the inward darkness, while the rest of his group gets ready to sleep. He’s off a distance, long enough to warn Nott with message if he sees anything strange. He holds onto the stone in his pocket, practicing with his new dark vision.

He hears shuffling behind him, and sees Jester approaching him quietly. She waves at him, and comes to sit next with him. “You’re gonna watch by yourself? You’re kind of, you know,  _ stringbean _ .”

He scoffs, relaxing back into the stone wall of the tunnel. “I figured you would all needs some rest. Especially you, since you honey-badgered your way in here for us.”

Jester waves her hands like it’s nothing, her nose in the air. “Oh Caleb that’s nothing. I can do crazy impressive things in my sleep, you know?”

“Oh, I don’t doubt you at all.”

“Did you find my drawing in your book?”

“I did.”

“Did you like the fire penis?”

“You know, I actually did.” Caleb smiles at her, unsure if she’s even able to see it in this darkness. “It was truly inspired.”

Jester giggles, her tail swishing back and forth. “Hey Caleb, remember back on ship? When I asked you what you wanted, and you said you wanted to be better than who you were?”

Caleb blink, her question unexpected. “ _ Ja _ , I do.”

“And since you’ve been Caleb, have you been better?”

He chews on his answer for a moment, unsure what to say. He and Nott did swindle quite a few people, but they didn’t murder anyone, or torture them or….

She is still waiting patiently for him to answer, and he finally nods. “ _Ja_ , it has been better, now that I think about it. It’s been...nice honestly? To not be so alone.”

Jester grins, getting back on her feet. “I’m gonna come in your bubble now, okay? Get ready.”

Even with her warning, he pushes back into the wall more. Jester rolls her eyes and stands over him. She whispers a few words in Infernal and suddenly she’s dropping water on his head.

“ _ Schlampe _ !!” Caleb hisses, trying to escape the waterfall from her hands. “ _ Was zur Hölle _ ?!”

“Hold still. You’re such a baby, sometimes.” She kneels down in front of him and rubs her sleeve across his face, getting his freshly applied dirt off. “There. That’s better.”

“Jester, what the fuck.” His voice is deadpan but he’s fighting a confused smile. Jester pokes his nose and grins.

“There. We’re leaving the Empire, so you can still  _ be _ Caleb. So be Caleb. You don’t have to hide from us, okay?”

Caleb just stares at her, and Jester stands back up. “Okay! Goodnight Caleb! Call me if any monsters scare you!”

He manages to wave back, and he returns his sight back to the tunnel, wondering how red his clean face is.

In the back of his head, there’s a little ping, and he can hear Nott’s voice.  _ I saw that. _

_ You can reply to this message. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruh I swear to god when Jester pulled her "are you secrectly in love with me" and Caleb didn't say ANYTHING?! My heart yo, this is starting to shape itself up real nice. Man.   
> I paraphrased a lot of their heart to heart because, we all watched it, and we so so don't need our hearts ripped out AGAIN, right. Not really!  
> Anyways! Happy Thursday! I can't wait for tonight!!


	7. Way Down We Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Even though she can see fairly well through the darkness ahead of them, there’s a shiver down her spine, like something is watching her, watching them. It’s incredibly unsettling. The fact that nothing changes while they walk, after one hour, after four hours, it’s like being trapped in bubble. Like being trapped in a ball." Caleb/Jester

Jester walks carefully through these tunnels.

She knows how important this is, and they’re going to save Yeza, and Nott is going to get to see her husband again, and her, and their son, they’re going to get to have a meal together again, and that’s really all Jester wants in this world. But...things seem...different. They’re worse now? But nothing’s really changed.

Even though she can see fairly well through the darkness ahead of them, there’s a shiver down her spine, like something is watching her, watching them. It’s incredibly unsettling, and the fact that nothing changes while they walk, after one hour, after four hours, it’s like being trapped in bubble. _Like being trapped in a ball._

Jester swallows hard, the smell of ozone filling her nostril, and her heart pounds under her ribs as though that dragon is still looming above her. She wants to look behind her, just to check, just to know, but she isn’t going to take her eyes off of the path in front of her. Shaking hands go unnoticed in the dark, especially when the only other people who can see her are already incredibly distracted. Fjord is watching up front with her, but he’s distracted, like he has been for a couple days, ever since he found out the truth about Nott.

Beau has her glasses on, but she’s a little too busy being so painfully bored that Jester’s able to escape her usually perceptive friend’s eyes. Nott is completely in her own little world, though Jester is super aware that she hasn’t pulled out her flask once, at least not yet. Nott is trying her best to figure out what to do next, and she doesn’t need Jester’s irrational anxiety making everything worse. Caduceus is bringing up the rear, which is a blessing, since he could take one look at her face and probably know every secret she’s ever had in her _whole life._

It might be two hours, it might be four, and Nott suggests taking a break for a second. No one’s against the idea, and they all lean against the stone walls, taking a moment to collect themselves. Jester sits cross legged, playing with the rocks on the ground. They’re almost in order by color when she sees some fuzzy little paws come and swat them away. Jester giggles, trying to put them back together, but Frumpkin keeps swatting them away.

“You’re such a _naughty_ cat.” She tells him, sneaking a glance over at Caleb. He’s not paying attention at all, talking with Nott about something. Jester keeps trying to arrange the rocks, and Frumpkin keeps messing them up. Although, there’s a few times where he almost lets her finish, only to obliterate the arrangement again.

When they’re ready to keep going, Jester’s mood feels a little bit lighter, and if she isn’t mistaken, she’s pretty sure she sees Caleb call Frumpkin back, a smile on his face.

* * *

“Can I ask you something?” Caleb asks her later, at their next break. Jester looks up at him from where she was carving a dick into the wall.

“Yes, it’s necessary.”

“No, I wasn’t-” He scoffs, sitting down next to her. “It’s a nice dick. Proportionate.”

“Thank you, Caleb.” She smiles at him, setting her tools down. “What’s on your mind?”

“I just wanted to see if you were okay, honestly. I noticed you’ve been a little...down? Since we started underground, and...I guess I just wanted to check on you.”

“Oh.” Jester pulls her knees up to her chest, resting her chin on them. “I guess...I guess after the Dragon, and what’s happened to Felderwind, and Nott, and...and _you_ I guess, I just sort of know how...awful this could be. Can be.” _Will_ _be_.

Caleb waits for her to finish before lifts his hand, like he’s going to set it on her shoulder, but he stops, setting it back down. “I’m sorry, I know...I know this is scary. All of it is scary.”

“Yeah, I guess it really is. And it’s not like stuff wasn’t scary before, or anything, but this feels...like, we’re walking right into Xhorhas, and they’re at _war_ with the Empire, probably over the dodecahedron, which we _have_. I guess...this is just super...real.”

Caleb nods slowly, exhaling as he does. “Yeah, this is pretty...real. I know...but I think we will be okay. I mean...I can really just hope so, honestly. What I do know is that we’re going to save Nott’s husband, and she’s going to be so happy when we do that. So even though I’m terrified, we’re going to do this, and we’re going to win.”

Jester smiles, her shoulders a little less heavy. “You’re right Caleb. We are going to do that.”

“We always do.” He assures her.

“Yeah, I guess we do okay, huh? This is going to be okay.”

“ _Ja_ , you can trust me on that.”

* * *

The second Caduceus casts his light spell on the crystals, Jester’s entire heart lifts.

The colors that dance across the wall are _beautiful_ , she wishes she could somehow get this down. There aren’t enough colors in her paints to cover the spectrum around her, but it’s one of the greatest things she’s ever seen. There’s so many different crystals around, in blues and purples and greens and yellows and she and Nott are gathering some up pretty quickly. Fjord, Caleb and Caduceus talk about perhaps setting up camp in this really cool place, and Jester’s head pops up, excited at the prospect.

Her eyes catch a flash of black, and she sees Caleb’s blackened fingertips scratching through his bandages. Jester winces, thinking about how the entire chamber is literally covered in crystals, and Caleb just told them about his history with them. He says nothing, though, just helps Caduceus find the best corner of this chamber for them to set up camp. Any pain Caleb might be feeling is hidden as he sits down to cast his spell, and the tiny hut appears.

He sits a few moments, working to match the colors to the walls around them. Jester plops herself down next to him, pointing to the left. “Just a _touch_ bluer there.”

“It looks blue?”

“Caleb I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I am a master _artiste_ , and I _basically_ specialize in blue.” She puts her nose up in the air, all snooty-like, and Caleb rolls his eyes, changing the blue ever so slightly.

“Better?”

“Yes, much, actually.” She informs him, pointing to where the colors blend seamlessly. “Now if something passes by while we’re sleeping, they won’t be like ‘ah, oh my god, why don’t these blues match, I bet there’s someone hiding behind this strange mismatched color, let’s eat them ahhh!’ Or something.”

Caleb stares at her for a second, then lets out a deep breath before getting back to his feet. “Well, what a terrible way to die.”

“Isn’t it tho!”

* * *

They all fall against the stone walls, only a few hours after the encounter with the scary rock monsters that had the _audacity_ to mess up Jester’s temple.

All of them groan. Caleb and Nott slide down the wall into a mess of limbs. The wizard is still cradling his left arm, which might have stopped bleeding, but he isn’t using it for anything. Nott looks up at him, a frown on her face. “I think I have a potion.”

“Nah, it’s fine. It’ll be okay tomorrow, I’m just sore.” He assures her, closing his eyes for a moment.

“Yeah,” Beau sighs, flexing her bruised knuckles. “Maybe we just catch some sleep, there haven’t been any deviations off this tunnel, so we know we’re headed the right way at least?”

“That’s a good idea,” Caduceus agrees, looking around. “I can carve us out a little hole, and we can do the same set up as last night. Mr. Caleb?”

“ _Ja_ , that worked really well. We’ll do that again.”

Jester sits back for a moment, letting them work to set up the hut again. Nott sits next to her, still trying to eat her way through that thing’s tongue. “I’ve never seen something be so hard to eat.”

“I know,” Nott growls, frustrated. “But I’m going to eat it. It’s a pride thing at this point.”

“What does it taste like?”

“Rocks, mostly.”

“Gross.”

“Yeah, but like I said. _Pride_.”

Jester hums, rubbing her neck where her armor was poking into it. “I bet the Traveler _loves_ his temple tho.”

“The dead rocks only make it cooler.”

“I know, right!” Jester grins. There’s a dim flash of light, and the hut is up. Caleb stretches his arms out, the ten minutes of casting ending, and Jester watches him seize up for a moment, one of his hands coming to rest on his left shoulder. She can barely hear a string of Zemnian words escaping his lips.

Most of the groups throws a thank you to Caleb and Caduceus, heading into the hut. Caleb takes an extra moment, unrolling the silver wire he uses for his alarm spell. Jester comes up next to him, hands behind her back. “Hey _Cayyyyleb_.”

“Hey what?” He answers her, fingers still working the wire free.

“I’m coming in your bubble again.” She warns him, before she places one of her hands on the joint where his neck meets his shoulder. He freezes, of course he does, and she’s banking on it. She moves his coat out of the way so she can see the skin understand, and it’s decorated in deep purples and blues.

“Jester-“ He hisses, and she looks at him, a frown on her face.

“It’s a bad blue, let me heal it.”

“It’s fine-“

“Sleep won’t fix this. I _can_. Let me help you.”

Caleb looks like he might want to fight her on it, tell her not to worry, but he just sighs, relaxing his shoulder a little. “Please.”

She smiles then, closing her eyes and casting a pretty decent healing spell, until the blues and purples get lighter and more green. “There!” She tells him, carefully removing her hand. “That’s _so_ much better.”

“It is,” Caleb nods. “Thank you.”

He smiles at her then, one of his real ones, and Jester smiles back, wondering why she feels warm when she’s usually kind of cold. “Goodnight, Caleb.”

“Goodnight, Jester.” He goes back to casting his spell, and Jester enters the hut, crawling between Nott and Beau. They adjust accordingly, only to have to readjust when Caleb comes in as well, on Nott’s other side.

He sleeps on his left side, and Jester can’t help but feel proud of that.

* * *

In the tiny alcove where they had managed to find a place to rest, Jester feels some movement against her chest. She fights consciousness the best she can, but her eyes crack open eventually. Beau and Fjord and piled on top of each other, trying to snore louder than each other. Caduceus barely fits in the hut, but he curls himself up well. Nott is curled up between Cad and Caleb, who was next to Yasha and Jester.

Those Fire Giants were _brutal_ , and though they weren’t in the best place to rest, they all desperately needed it. Caduceus and Caleb had found a small crack in this tunnel and had fashioned them a space again. No one had really spoken to each other since, opting to just fall into their giant pile and rest, but Jester did see Caleb holding Nott for quite a while, before her little friend had finally assured him she was alright.

What she feels is Caleb’s foot as he pulls himself to his knees, quietly, so he doesn’t wake the rest of them. His hands are on his head, like he’s trying to keep from shattering. Jester waits before she sits up, not wanting to make anything worse. She knows today was awful, she knows that Nott almost died and those giants almost killed them and nothing is going to make that okay, but she still feels like she should do something.

She wonders if she should wake Nott up, but there’s no way she can wake her up without Caleb knowing _she’s_ awake. Plus, Nott needs to sleep. She and Caduceus healed her up more as soon as they had a moment to breathe away from the Fire Giants, but she’s still in a pretty rough spot. Jester moves subtly, and Caleb flinches, turning to look at her. She sits up slowly, not wanting to push Yasha awake either.

A long thirty seconds pass before either of them makes a move. Jester breaks first, motioning for him to come closer. He hesitates, wondering if he can make a break for it, but if he does that, he’ll lose the spell. Eventually, carefully, he makes his way over to where Jester is.

“Are you alright?” She asks him, barely a whisper. Caleb shakes his head, curling up again. “Is it pain?”

“No.” He whispers, unwilling to meet her eyes. “It almost happened again. _It_ _almost_ _happened_ _again_.”

“Caleb, shhhh.” She reaches out to touch his shoulder, and he winces hard when she does. Jester doesn’t let go though, she waits until his shaking stops. “It’s okay, Nott is okay.”

“She...she almost...she almost-” Caleb’s eyes are far away, and Jester reaches out and puts her hand over his mouth. Caleb starts, looking at her.

“Nott is okay. She’s okay and we saved her. We’re all going to make it, and we’re going to save Yeza and everything will be okay. Just like you told me. It’s all going to be okay, even if it isn’t right now, okay?” She whispers, very quietly. Caleb lets out a shaky breath, but he nods and Jester releases her hand. “Try and get some sleep, okay? Tomorrow we have to be heroes.”

Caleb nods, his eyes a little more present. “We’re okay.”

Jester smiles at him, a fondness fluttering in her chest. “ _Ja_ , we are. You can trust me on that.”

He looks like he might say something for a moment, but instead he just presses his forehead against hers. It’s only for a second, before he’s settling back into his spot, his hand coming to rest on Nott’s head. Jester smiles, wondering if she’s blushing as she lays back down.

She’s almost back asleep when she feels Caleb’s boot knock against hers, like he’s grounding himself. She knocks her boot back against his, curling back into Yasha to steal some of her warmth. She hopes it's enough, she really does, but it isn't too long before she's able to hear the calm breathing (or snoring) of all of her friends around her. With that, Jester is able to find sleep again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAN THAT WAS WAY TOO CLOSE WITH NOTT. All I want to see next week is that funky little goblin mom getting showered in love. Frickin' rouges and lava man, it's a terrible mix. No CR this week, but I'll probably be busting out drabbles over on tumblr! I keep forgetting to upload them here, but I'll get on that! 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Is it (next) Thrusday yet?!

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry, I know what you're thinking. "Well Fjord was there too!" He sure was! And he's sure gonna be next. Jester isn't going to let him off so easy either. Thank you for reading!


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